Word count: 4195
Summary: Ed's homecoming.
Warnings: AU/Crossover; Ed's rather extensive and occasionally offensive vocabulary. Tomfoolery, bondage.
Notes: Crossover with a fusion!Supernatural universe. Ed is a hunter, not an alchemist. Written by request for moumusu.
Ed was sprawled out on Roy’s couch; head pillowed on his arm and one sock-covered foot dangling off over the arm rest. The TV was the only source of illumination; it washed the room with its cold, washed-out luminescence.
Roy rested his hand on the back of the couch. “I’m really beginning to second guess this whole ‘you’ve got your own key’ thing.”
Ed raised his beer bottle without diverting his gaze from the television. “You’re out of longnecks.”
“Case in point,” Roy said, and he leaned forward to pluck the half-empty bottle from Ed’s hand. The blond hunter made a disappointed noise as Roy tipped the bottle back, draining the rest of its contents. “What would you have done if I were entertaining a female guest, Ed?”
“Ask to join in,” Ed said, tilting his head up to look at Roy with a wicked grin. “You never bring chicks back here anyway, so it’s not an issue.”
“You know me far too well,” Roy murmured. “One of these days you’re going to catch me off guard and get accidentally shot.”
“Nah,” Ed waved his hand in the air. “You wouldn’t shoot me.”
“Oh, wouldn’t I?” Roy walked around the couch and smacked Ed’s feet, so Ed lifted them. Roy sat down on his couch and Ed immediately draped his legs over Roy’s lap. “I think that you press your luck.”
Ed made an affirmative noise. “If I don’t keep pushing it, my luck’ll turn bad.”
They fell into a comfortable silence together. The program Ed was watching mindlessly was some sort of ghost hunting show. Ed loved watching them unironically, he claimed that it was some sort of great conspiracy that the worst the show’s hosts ever seemed to catch on tape was a couple of disembodied voices and maybe a chair moving. If they ever caught a full-fledged apparition on tape it was never shown. Roy reasoned that if they were to catch something that earth-shattering the network probably wouldn’t be able to show it, but Ed claimed it was all a great conspiracy. Given that he loved to watch crappy horror movies nearly as much as these sorts of shows, Roy just gave up on trying to make sense of it.
“So I see you made it back from wherever the clurichaun sent you in one piece,” Roy said finally.
Ed looked and him and raised an eyebrow. “How do you know about that?”
“Al called me.”
“Bastard,” Ed muttered.
“He was just a touch frantic, Ed. Your brother cares about you very much.”
“I know,” Ed said with a sigh, resting his head back against the arm rest of the couch. “I think he must have called everyone in his friggin’ contact list. Winry called me yesterday freaking the fuck out and then when I actually answered the phone she unloaded on me like it’s my fault she didn’t check her voicemail in a week.” Ed winced and stuck a finger in his ear. “Fuck the demons, man, let’s just set Winry on them with the power of her righteous indignation.”
Roy rumbled a laugh and Ed nudged him with his foot. “Hey, I wasn’t the one she creamed with the butt of her rifle the last time we saw her.” Roy winced in memory, and touched his left temple with two fingers gingerly. This time Ed laughed.
After a few moments he fell silent and looked at Roy speculatively. Roy met his eye and raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”
“Nothing,” Ed said. “You’re out of beer.”
“That’s what liquor stores are for, you know. The least you could do when you turn up unannounced is bring your own booze.”
“I know you’ve got a stash of whiskey and scotch somewhere in this house,” Ed said. Roy frowned at him.
“I hide my good liquor cabinet from you for this very reason.”
“Oh come on,” Ed wheedled. He kept nudging Roy’s side with his foot until Roy sighed dramatically.
“You are such a child. ”
“Says the guy who’s holding out on the good stuff. Or do you just like getting drunk by yourself and sulking about life?”
Roy looked affronted. “I do no such thing.”
“Liar.” Ed wiggled and pulled his cell phone out from his pocket. “You get wasted and drunk dial me at all hours of the night.”
“I do not. ”
Ed flipped open his phone. He had always preferred a flip phone to Al’s smart phones, but it made navigating the phone just a little bit harder. “Let’s see, last date of Mustang’s drunk dial…”
Roy leaned over and attempted to grab the cell phone out of Ed’s hands. Ed twisted, brought his knee up and blocked with it, pressing his knee to the center of Roy’s chest in an attempt to keep him away, flipping through his received calls with one hand. “Give me that!”
“What the hell are you gonna do, just erase my received calls?” Ed said, holding the cell phone out of reach, one hand on Roy’s face trying to distract him.
“You are- such a- brat-“
“And you’re a drunk, Mustang,” Ed said. “Nice one, by the way, blaming yourself for my bastard of a father getting himself killed. You are aware that you had nothing to do with that, right?”
Roy’s face froze. “I said-“
“And who’s this Hughes guy you keep going on about?”
Storm clouds were starting to gather on Roy’s face and Ed knew that expression well enough to quit while he was ahead. “Anyway, the point of this whole exercise is that I know that you keep the good liquor hidden and you’re going to go get it, or else I’m gonna pull up-“ Ed’s cell phone beeped while it was in his hand, vibrating with the new arrival. Ed nearly dropped it in surprise. “Text?”
He craned his neck to read it, upside-down over the arm rest. Roy stopped trying to reach over his body for the phone and sullenly sat back down, Ed’s feet still in his lap. “Who’s texting you at this hour, Al?”
“Mei, actually,” Ed said, typing back one-handed, the phone still safely out of Roy’s reach in case this was a feint. “On Al’s phone. She says hi.”
“Would you tell her I’ve located the antidote to manticore vemon she was looking for, since you’re already talking to her?”
Ed looked at his phone, then back over at Roy. “Antidote to manticore venom?”
“Don’t ask me, she was the one looking for it.”
Ed exhaled noisily, but dutifully typed the text out to Mei. While Ed was busy with that, Roy pushed his feet off his lap and stood up. Ed ignored him shuffling around the room, concentrating on the text and only looked up when he left the room. “Roy?”
Roy reappeared with a bottle of whiskey and two lowball glasses, the ice clinking in them cheerily. Ed watched Roy put the glasses on the coffee table and raised an eyebrow. “On the rocks? Seriously?”
“I should have known you’d take your whiskey straight,” Roy said with a smirk.
“Pervert,” Ed said affectionately, and he slid his cell back into his pocket before he sat up. He took the offered glass and Roy leaned forward, taking the opportunity to ruffle Ed’s short hair before he sat himself back on the couch beside Ed.
“Not ‘nother one of these shows, don’t you ever get tired of this?”
“Shaddup, I don’t make fun of your snobby obsessions.”
“Yes you do, and quite frequently at that.”
“It unnerves me when you snicker like that.”
“I know. That’s why I do it.”
Ed’s glass sat on the coffee table, long-empty. The TV was still flickering and, despite himself, Roy had been drawn into the program, watching it with a slightly-drunk fascination. Ed was watching Roy, not the program, slumped back against the arm rest, legs tangled across Roy’s but not quite in his lap.
He rubbed his foot against Roy’s leg thoughtfully, the happy numbness of whiskey intoxication draped over his brain like a warm blanket. “The’ fuckin’ clurichaun sent me to an alternate world,” he announced, breaking the comfortable silence that they were sitting in.
Roy arched an eyebrow, and somehow managed not to look nearly as intoxicated as Ed felt. “An alternate world?”
“Yeah.” Ed folded his arms behind his head and looked at the ceiling. “It was really weird, kinda… European, maybe. Very turn-of-the-century. They had magic,” he added on matter-of-factly.
It wasn’t that Roy didn’t believe him, but Ed could hear the confusion in his voice. “Yeah, magic,” Ed said. “But they called it alchemy.” He waved his hand in the air as if he could brush it all off. “Didn’t really see much of it in practice.”
“Like, was it summoning demons occult-y alchemy, or that transmuting lead-into-gold search for immortality alchemy?”
Ed threw back his head and laughed. “I asked the fuckin’ EXACT same question,” he hooted. “Crowley or Flamel, right?” He cracked up.
“What a strange world that must be,” Roy mused. “I would have liked to see it, I think.”
“Yeah.” Ed settled back down into the couch. “The next time we have issues with the Unseelie Court, Al’n’I’ll send you in as cannon fodder; see if you get zapped across the known universe or just blown into bloody bits.” Ed snorted, then looked over at Roy, his eyes tracing over the familiar features. “You were there.”
“Yeah. Well, he wasn’t YOU. But he looked like you and talked like you and everything. Even had your name. Couple years younger, thou’. Military.” Ed’s eyes on him, still. “We had sex.”
Roy grew quiet. He looked over at Ed, sprawled out on his couch, happily inebriated, but watching Roy with serious eyes. “You had sex?”
“Mm.” Ed wiggled his ass into the couch. “He had a hard-on for his world’s version of me, but apparently his world’s me is like, fifteen or some shit. Didn’t get a chance to meet him, dunno if the doppelganger thing holds any water but I wasn’t in any hurry to find out.” He closed his eyes and laughed. “Could you imagine if you were, like, fifteen years older than me? You’d be, like, old enough to be my father or somethin’.”
Roy pinched Ed’s leg sharply.
“Ow! What the fuck, Mustang?”
“You slept with someone who looked like me?”
“Yeah, are you gonna get stuck on that?”
“I don’t know Ed; it’s a little bit out there. I thought we had a relationship.”
“Oh, come off it, Mustang. You sleep with so many women I’m surprised you’re not a breeding ground for every VD out there.”
“That’s not true and you know it.” Roy gave him a low glare. “Besides, I don’t carry on like that anymore, and you know that too.”
Ed sat up and pulled his legs out of pinching range. “Are you gonna be weird about this? We agreed-“
“We agreed on no other men, Ed.”
“You are gonna be weird about this.”
“You slept with another man!”
“Another man who’s you.”
Roy glared at Ed coldly. “But he wasn’t me.”
Ed exhaled and sat forward on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. He was clearly trying to work up some kind of anger at Roy, anger was his safest emotion but it just was coming. “I wouldn’t hold it against you if you slept with another version of me,” he said helplessly.
“That’s not the point, Ed.” Roy leaned back against the couch, running a hand through his hair, aggravated. “Only you would manage to put me in a situation like this,” Roy murmured, resting his hand over his eyes. “Cuckolded by himself.”
“Do you want me to go?”
Roy lifted his hand from his face. Ed had sounded … impossibly small, and for the first time he’d heard fear tinged in Ed’s voice. He looked like he was trying to fold in on himself, and Roy sighed involuntarily. “No, Ed. I don’t want you to go. I’m just…” Hurt. Disappointed. Angry. “I occasionally wondered why you’ve never had a lasting relationship, aside from your predilection to roam the country on a whim.”
“I’m good at fucking things up,” Ed muttered, eyes downcast. “Can’t have nice things.”
Roy smiled despite himself. “I suppose it’s luck that I don’t have a twin brother, seeing that you can’t seem to keep your hands off of anyone who looks like me.”
He glanced at Ed, expecting at least a smile but getting that same deer-in-the-headlights expression. “Oh for heaven’s sake,” Roy said. “Stop that, that expression on you is terrifying.”
“I’m sorry,” Ed said softly.
Roy reached over and grabbed Ed by the arm, yanking him across the couch. Ed came with a bit of a yelp and Roy buried his face in Ed’s hair. “You are patently ridiculous.”
Ed’s face in his shoulder, muffled. “You’re not upset.”
“Well,” Roy said speculatively. “I’m upset. But it’s nothing that I won’t get over.” He carded his fingers through the back of Ed’s hair. “Besides, it’s not like you went around sleeping with a host of random men, it was me. So I don’t have to question your loyalty.”
Ed snorted against his shoulder and squeezed Roy’s side. “I AM loyal to you, you fucking bastard, wouldn’t sleep with any other guys if they weren’t you.”
“That’s reassuring,” Roy murmured. “Now, for your punishment.”
Ed jerked against Roy, the top of his head hitting Roy’s chin as he sat up. “My what?”
Roy winced as his jaw clicked together and Ed made a small bit of noise at the contact. He rubbed his jaw and stared into Ed’s startled eyes. “Your punishment,” Roy rumbled, his eyes getting just a bit darker. “You won’t deny me this, love,” he said, gripped Ed’s jaw firmly. “I’ve want to do this for quite some time.”
Ed’s eyes narrowed, trying to search out what Roy was thinking as Roy covered Ed’s mouth with his own forcefully. Then Ed decided it was best to just go with the flow of it and wrapped his arms around Roy’s neck, kissing right back.
Ed tested the handcuffs while Roy had his back turned. They weren’t the real thing, Ed had been in plenty of real cuffs and as such, Ed wormed his way out of them with ease. He held them up to the light and frowned at the locking mechanism. Roy sat on the mattress beside Ed and sighed as Ed presented him with the handcuffs. “These are cheap,” Ed said. “I can slip’em in under a minute.”
Roy looked at the handcuffs, and then back to Ed, before he laughed helplessly.
This time, rope. Soft stuff, it had an elasticity that allowed Ed some slack. Roy grinned sharply, kneeling beside him on the bed as he securely tied Ed’s wrist to his ankle. “Uh,” Ed said, watching Roy’s hands and breathing a little hard, testing the tensile strength. “Um, uh, Roy-?”
Roy buried his face in Ed’s neck, already starting to loop the rope around his free wrist.
“I’m still wearing my pants,” Ed pointed out.
…he was. Roy looked down at Ed, one wrist bound securely to ankle and said, “We’ll just have to cut them off.”
“What? No. ” Ed got a grip on Roy’s chest with his free hand. “They’re the only set of jeans I’ve got with me, there’s no way in hell I’m letting you destroy them-“
“-you can just wear a pair of mine, Ed-“
“Fuck no, you’re like, three sizes smaller than I am, they won’t even fucking fit me.”
“Ed,” Roy said, pleaded, grabbed at the waist of Ed’s jeans but Ed shoved him off, flailed, overcompensated and, with a comical widening of his eyes and a second’s realization of oh, shit- rolled off the bed entirely.
Roy sat back on his heels and blinked at the empty space on the bed where Ed had been just a second prior. He leaned over the edge of the bed. “Are you all right?”
“Fuck, ow,” Ed groaned. “Did you even think this through?”
“I’m horny and drunk,” Roy complained. “Do you ever think things through when you’re horny and drunk?”
A pause, and then the smile split Ed’s face. “If I did, we wouldn’t be together now, would we?” He wiggled awkwardly to his knees, shoulder down. “Untie this so I can get my pants off, ‘m fucking hard anyway. ‘f you weren’t in such a hurry to get me tied down-“
Roy slid off the bed to help him.
Several false starts, and then-
Roy grinned. The heavy buzz of whiskey had graduated to somewhere else in his brain entirely. Ed groaned, his ears red and watching Roy with one eye. “I feel like a dog with my ass in the air, Mustang,” he muttered.
A quick, sharp swat to Ed’s offered ass made Ed close his one visible eye as he yelped. Both of his wrists tied to his ankles now, his face was pressed into the mattress for balance and, yes, his nicely sculpted ass was in the air, present for Roy to do whatever he felt with. This time jeans had been safely divested and dropped onto the floor, mixed in as always with Roy’s shed clothing. Ed’s cock hung low, heavy and hard and Roy reached down and squeezed it. Ed let out another muffled groan as he slapped Ed’s ass again.
“Fuck,” Ed breathed into the sheets, twisting a little. He had tried for the past five minutes to worm himself out of this particular bit of bondage but had yet to successfully wriggle free. Roy would have to remember this, Ed seemed to be made of liquid and was able to slip out of every little bit of rope like it was nothing. Ed had his head turned and was watching Roy move with approval, tensing up every time he sensed another swat on its way.
He really couldn’t see that much of Roy, but this still wouldn’t do. Roy made a humming noise as he slide off the bed. Ed couldn’t quite lift his head, if he shifted too far one way or the other he’d fall – but he watched Roy as much as he could. “What are you doing?”
Roy returned with another piece of cloth. “I don’t want you ready for it,” he said with a wicked smile, and Ed groaned again as Roy wrapped the blindfold around his head.
“You realize I have to like you a whole hell of a lot to be put up with your kinky ass, right?”
“You love it,” Roy kissed Ed’s forehead. “You especially love it when you get to come.” He kissed Ed’s eyes, over the cloth, before trailing his lips back over one sharp shoulder blade, fingers following the path of his lips. He kept continuous contact with Ed’s body as he worked his way back towards his ass. Ed made a muffled noise, face now pressed into the mattress.
This time, the swat caught him completely unaware, no time to tense for it and the low noise that Ed made into the mattress made Roy’s cock jump in anticipation. He followed it with several swift smacks, the skin of Ed’s ass reddening where he had slapped it. “Fuck,” Ed mumbled into the mattress, gasping slightly. “Are you gonna, fuck, fucking touch my cock or just spank me ah-“ Roy smacked him again, but this time he also ran the tips of his fingers up the inside of Ed’s thigh. Muscle jumped at his touch, feather-light and Ed wiggled as much as he could, trying to jerk some contact with his hanging erection.
Roy finally gave him what he wanted, fingers on his cock and Ed whimpered in relief as Roy tugged and stroked down its length. He brushed his lips over the sensitive, reddened skin of Ed’s ass as he brought Ed to the brink of orgasm and then, just before he tipped over the edge Roy released him, leaving Ed to splutter indignantly into the sheets.
“You really didn’t think I was going to let you come so easily,” Roy’s lips brushed by Ed’s ear, whispered softly. “Did you?”
Ed groaned in frustration as Roy’s fingers started tracing up his back again. “Fuuuuuuck…”
It was the fourth time that Roy brought him just to the edge of his release and let him off there that Ed bit into the mattress and almost shrieked “just fucking FUCK me already god dammit-“
Roy had stretched him already, fingers teasing inside of him, scissoring and moving and bringing Ed to the point of begging earlier. Ed let off almost a sob of relief when he felt the head of Roy’s cock push against him. Roy smoothed his hands over Ed’s back as he settled his body over Ed’s – they fit together so remarkably well, even now, they curved in the right places and settled against each other just right. Roy leaned forward over Ed, bracing his weight on his knees and one hand as he tugged the blindfold free of Ed’s eyes.
Ed winced at the light, his eyes going unfocused, before finding Roy’s.
They panted together, Roy buried deep inside him and Ed swallowed, sweat trailing down the side of his jaw. “’s’bout time,” Ed gasped as Roy shifted and slid inside him. Ed pressed his forehead to the mattress as Roy fucked him just the way Ed loved it. He writhed against Roy, tried slamming himself back onto him even at this awkward position and came screaming into the sheets harder than he had in a long time, world going dizzingly white.
He wasn’t sure when Roy came as well, because by the time Ed came back to himself Roy was slumped over his back, flattened and completely spent.
“’cking hell,” Ed said, and Roy muttered a slightly incoherent agreement.
“Some punishment,” Ed said, rubbing his wrists. He was laying flat on his back on the bed, the pillows kicked off somewhere on the floor. Roy captured Ed’s hand and kissed his wrist, where fading red marks were all that remained of the rope’s presence. Ed rolled up on his side, pulling Roy closer and wrapping his arm over Roy’s side.
Their noses a hair’s breadth apart, Ed’s eyes were on Roy’s. There were no secrets there; there were few things that Roy actually honestly hid from him. Ed smiled as Roy exhaled, their breath mingling before Roy kissed him. “You just had to show up and turn my life upside down,” Roy murmured.
“You’re the one who got in over his head,” Ed reminded him, rolling them over so that his weight was pressing Roy into the bed. “If Al’n’me hadn’t been there, you’d be just another dead hunter.” Ed cupped Roy’s face in his hands, eyes searching. Then he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead down to Roy’s. “You an’ Winry,” he said. “An’ Mei, too, you’re the only people keeping us sane.”
“A job I take very seriously,” Roy said, his voice rumbling deep in his throat. “Without you,” Roy drew his knuckles over Ed’s cheek, sandpapery without needing an obvious shave yet, down over his jaw. “I’ve got nothing left.”
Ed laughed quietly. “We’re so fucked without each other, aren’t we?”
“We’ve gone and screwed ourselves into a corner.”
Ed snorted and dropped his entire weight on Roy, who whuffed out his breath. Ed sighed and closed his eyes. After a long moment where Ed didn’t move, Roy smacked him in the side. “Hey, don’t you dare go to sleep on me,” he said. “Do you have any idea how much you fucking weigh?”
“Next time,” Ed murmured. “It’s your turn to get tied up.” He turned sleepy eyes on Roy, and his grin, though muted, was still wicked-sharp. “I’ve got some… ideas.”
Roy kissed him, and then somehow managed to roll them both back the way they had been before, up on their sides, before he lost Ed completely to sleep.